She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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