I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
