I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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