You don't have asthma, your pregnant
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
