it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
