I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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