We're facebook friends in real life
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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