I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
