I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
