he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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