U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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