He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
