There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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