Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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