Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
