it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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