So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
