nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
