Kiss
Puke
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
