Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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