dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize