Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
