my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
