worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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