I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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