i just wanna soil my oats bro
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
