There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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