Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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