and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
