He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
