I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
