Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
