TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
