ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Mom said you looked used
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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