u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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