dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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