The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
