Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Four minutes until I can fart!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
