so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
