so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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