i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
