Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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