How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
