And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
