And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
