Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
