Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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