The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
