3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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