Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
