Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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