I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
