in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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