I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
