im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
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After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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