were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
