Your face is a jimmy john
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
