But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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