he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
