Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
