No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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