Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
