Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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