So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
