Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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