I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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