Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
