I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
