Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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