I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
