I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I have post one night stand depression
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