East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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