why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
