physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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