Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
