Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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