Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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