Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
