Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
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I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
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Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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