my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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