I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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