haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
